Many Shades

If there was one thing I could teach young people today (and maybe everyone!), it would be that the world is not black and white.  There are many shades of color.  There is a Facebook meme that points out “6 + 3 = 9, but so does 5 + 4.”  It goes on to say, “The way you do things is not always the only way to do them.  Respect other people’s way of thinking.”

In truth, if you know anything about math, there are MANY ways to come up with 9.  Just like life, there are many ways to live it: many types of careers, activities, music, ways to travel, types of homes, cars, relationships…I think you get the point.  There are many different ways to solve many different problems.  But if we stick to a “black and white” way of thinking, better, more efficient ways of problem solving would go undiscovered.

If we were all the same, thought exactly the same way, did things the exact same way, what a boring world this would be!  Nothing new would ever be invented.  Nothing exciting would ever come about.  There would be nothing to pique our curiosity.  The world would be, well, black and white.  Wouldn’t that be sad?

Instead, there is a vastness to this world that is amazing and wonderful.  This near limitlessness applies, not only to the landscape, but to the people on it, the thought processes of the people and the utter variety of things to do!  And, while there are so many things to consider, not everyone wants to do the same things.  After all, there are more than 7.6 billion people living on this world in 195 different countries.  In 2014, a blog on National Geographic stated there were 117 million different lakes on this Earth!  Black and white doesn’t even begin to describe our reality, even though so many people would make it so.

Just to expand a little on the whole black and white mentality, here’s a simple example.  I like to bake…a lot!  My family couldn’t possibly eat everything I bake, because, well, they’d be the size of a house, so I take baked goods to work and share.  But, with baking comes problems.  Some people are gluten or corn intolerant.  Some are allergic to peanuts, dairy, chocolate or peppers.  Still, some despise cream cheese icing and nuts.  There are others who don’t like chocolate (yeah, I know, I couldn’t believe it, either!!!)!  If we were thinking in terms of black and white, we’d have fully gluten or corn baked goods, or none.  But, thinking in “many shades,” I now bake vegan cakes and muffins and am about to learn how to bake with alternative flours!  Score one for “many shades” thinking!

Want another simple example?  Pens…yes, pens!  While I am required to use a certain type pen at work, my very favorite pen is a Pentel RSVP, medium point with black ink.  If you’ve ever walked down the school supply aisle at any store, you know there are a multitude of different pens out there.  Just to name a few for you, there’s Bic, Paper Mate, Zebra, Pilot, Uni-Ball, Sharpie, and, of course, Pentel.  There are also ballpoint, fountain, gel, roller ball and felt tipped pens.  Bic, alone, makes a huge variety: Xtra Life, Xtra Smooth, Xtra Comfort, Xtra Bold, Velocity Retractable, Atlantis Original Retractable, Soft Feel Retractable, and this doesn’t include their everyday, plain old original Bic Cristal, the Clic Stic or the variety of colors of ink they offer.  I think you’re getting the picture!  What if I got to choose and force everyone to use Pentel RSVP?

Here are a few other simple examples, maybe in less detail.  Did you know there are around 4,200 different religions in the world?  I wonder how many of us could have guessed that?  What about clothing and shoes?  With how many brands are you familiar?  How about different colleges and universities, just in the US?  Here’s one, what about different types and breeds of pets?  Plants?  What if someone got to choose the world’s religion and the dress code.  What if there were only one type cat and one type dog, and two types of plants?  Could you be happy with that?

The world is not black and white.  There are SO many different shades…SO many, and that’s what makes it so fascinating.  All the extraordinary variety!  All the different people, cultures, animals, art, scenery, ways to travel, places to live, food and beliefs.  This seems extreme, when considering thought patterns in black and white, but is it really?  By thinking in terms of black and white, we limit ourselves into following one of two directions.  Why would we ever want do that when there are SO many directions in which to go?  If there were only a couple of thought patterns, nothing new would ever come about!

Thinking outside the box is what drives creative processes and innovation.  It motivates us to do better in many different ways.  If we limit ourselves to black and white thinking, we limit what we can achieve and who and what we can become!   Should we really want to put limits on ourselves…especially when the only thing that can come of better innovation, more creativity and being better people is a better world!  Think about it!

Changes…

Life moves pretty fast.  That’s not conjecture, that’s a fact!  My dad likes to tell me it’s due to old age…thanks, dad!  But really, when did it become the end of March, 2017?  The bigger problem I’ve seen for most people, though, isn’t necessarily the swift passage of time, but the fact that their lives have not moved.  Most of us have become stagnant on our journey.  Don’t believe me?  Have you stuck to your New Years Resolutions?  Did you make any?  If not, why not?  Did any of the things you dreamed for your life this past year come true?  What about last year?

The fact of the matter is, sometimes, we do need to consider making some changes for our own well being.  We dream about adding to or changing our experiences/life and some of us manage to get it done.  Some of us find we just don’t have the time, or energy, to make it happen.  Still others are satisfied to remain right where we are, even though we desperately need some changes…after all, at least we know what we’ve got!  But for some, change is frightening.  The unknown has a way of being creepy scary!

Let’s face it, most of us work (some of us work two jobs!), and that takes up precious time.  Not only do we work every day, but we also have to factor in the time it takes to get ready for it, and the time it takes to get there and back home.  Then, if you care about your health at all, you are trying to avoid eat out and eating processed foods, so you are growing and/or preparing nearly everything you eat.  That takes time and energy.  No wonder people don’t make time for changes!

If you still have children in school, you are getting them to and from school, and activities, and friend’s homes, and getting homework done, usually while working, getting meals ready, and keeping your home in order!

Believe me, sacrifices to your own well-being are being made every moment of every day!  If you can find a few minutes to yourself in all this to even contemplate making a change, good for you!  If not, well, you should!

We need to learn to give ourselves the love, attention and help we readily give others.  We need to learn to include ourselves in the list of those we love.  We need to understand that we, too, need rest, friends, good food, a good spiritual foundation and fun in our lives.

But, we also need to realize that when things are not going in a direction that is good for us anymore, we need to take a leap of faith and make a change.  And, while everything may not work out as planned, if we took that leap of faith, at least we gave it a shot.  We can certainly pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and make another change.  There are no limits!

While speaking about intelligence, Tabatha Coffey said, it’s more than book-smarts.  It’s “trusting your gut instincts, being intuitive, thinking outside the box, and sometimes just realizing that things need to change and being smart enough to change it.”  There’s something to be said for that.  Amelia Earhart said, “The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.”

So, why do we have to live a stagnant life?  We can chose to make a change.  What’s holding us back?  Are we waiting for our lives to change on their own?  Maybe we should understand what Andy Warhol knew, change doesn’t just happen, we have to do it ourselves!  So, if your life is in need of change, what are you waiting for?  Get to it!

 

 

Rewiring for Positivity…

Our journey ahead is, or can be, FULL of amazing people and adventures.  AMAZING!  For some, it starts that way, it’s that way through the middle and can be that way at the end.  Many, though, they never see it that way.  They see their entire journey as a struggle; a burden.  No doubt, at times, it can be.  Still, some people thrive on chaos…drama…trouble.  They create it, take no responsibility for it and try to foist it off on others.  Truly, too, some of us have been dealt some nasty cards.  There is no denying that.  I’ve seen it.  It’s sad to it’s core.  My dad used to say, “No matter what happens in your life, there is always someone who has it worse than you,” and, for the majority of us, he’s right.

Even for those of us who don’t have it that bad, we can find ourselves caught in a downward spiral.  Maybe it was through no fault of our own, or maybe it was a series of choices we made.  Our choices can center around jobs, money, friends, significant others, strangers, where we live, how we entertain ourselves, politics, religion, well being…any number of things.  These choices can give way to thoughts of unhappiness, and pretty soon, we find ourselves drowning in disturbing thoughts about our life choices.

There are outside forces that we must reckon with.  Advertising agencies make good money making us imagine we can’t possibly be happy with the choice we’ve made.  We NEED a new car, house, appliance, clothes, shoes, furniture, next new book, game, game console, whatever.  They shape our thoughts in ways we don’t even realize…we aren’t religious enough, we aren’t attractive enough, we are too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too dark complected, too pale, our hair is too curly, too straight, too light, too dark…it goes on and on.

Then, there’s religion, the news media and the government…yes, even they help shape our choices and thoughts.  The religion we choose shapes our views on other religions, death, life (ours and others), life issues, our place in society, who’s going to Hell (EVEN though Our Creator told us NOT to judge!!!). Depending on who’s in office and which party is in control of Congress, our media and government try to control how we think about gay rights, gun issues, reproductive issues, personal rights, personal responsibilities, what we eat, war, religion, freedom as a whole, government and religion…All of this, in turn, helps shape a set of societal norms that squelch individuality in both thought and creativity.

The truth is, with all the information coming at us from every angle, we’ve become lazy about thinking for ourselves.  Even our friends help shape our thought process, and thus our choices…We are bombarded from every angle.  So…what can we do?  Is there, or can there be, any way out?  Is there a way to reshape our thoughts so that we can fix our present, overcome our past and have a better future?  Maybe their is.  Maybe we can relearn to think for ourselves.

We need to learn to do is question everything.  Even those with good intentions can make us rethink our choices.  Weigh everything you are told.  Especially if it’s from ads, the media or the government…and maybe even a few friends…research out important information.  Once you’ve done that, you might just find loads of other info about the very subject…then, compare what you’ve found with what you already thought you knew.  You might come to different conclusions!

Realize that if something is too good to be true, it usually is.  Likewise, if something seems too bad to be true…it usually is.

Understand that just because something is right for someone else, it might not be right for you.  The world is not black and white…there are MANY shades of grey…as well as other colors…use them wisely.

Follow your gut, for truly, your gut is usually right.  If it seems wrong, it probably is…whether it’s an opinion about yourself or someone else.

Get plenty of rest…when you are tired, your judgment is cloudy…

Likewise, eat healthy food…

Be patient…yes…be patient…

Look back on the bad things, and the good, and appreciate the fact that you lived through it all…you are still here…

Our Creative Forces had a genuinely good reason for compelling us not to judge.  Know that you only walk in your shoes…no one else’s.  Do not judge other people based on what you feel, think or experience.  You have no idea what they’ve been through or how they got where they are…Hind sight is 20/20…until you are in the moment, you truly do not know how you would react, so do not judge…

If your situation sucks, seize the moment and change it…and then grasp the knowledge that if it still sucks, you can change it again…and again and again and again…until you are in the best place possible for you…

Be thankful for what you do have…there are MANY who don’t have even a portion of what you do…

Here is the most important part…Learn to love EVERYONE…including yourself…

Believe it or not, you now have the tools rewire the way you think.  If negativity pops into your head, stop, realize it for what it is, turn it around and rethink it…It can be about yourself, another person, a particular choice, decision, situation, anything…whatever it is, turn it around into something positive.  Remember, whatever is going on, whatever your situation, whatever you are thinking, most all of it can be changed!

Becoming more positive makes us feel better…lifts us up…makes life more enjoyable.  The more you rethink things in positive ways, the more amazing things become.  Pretty soon, you can rethink things without even knowing you’re doing it…and, voila!  You have rewired for Positivity!  Congratulations!

 

 

 

 

As Life Goes

There have been several life-changing events over the passed few months.  Maybe I should start with the bad news first…my estranged husband passed away two months ago.  While we were still married, we had lived mostly separate lives for several years.  He became very ill in 2010, and basically lost his business in 2012, so he moved into the basement apartment in the house I rent with our younger daughter.  As his illness progressed, I tried to help him.  He was, after all, the father of my children…children whom I love more than life, itself.  But, he has now passed away.  It’s a weird feeling to lose someone with whom you were so close, and yet estranged, at the same time.  Strange emotions come into play.

Much more recently, and quite a bit more joyous, our older daughter married her best friend.  It was a simple, yet elegant, wedding. The only real tragedy here being that her father wasn’t there to give her away.   Before her father died, my daughter realized he was so ill he may not be able to walk her down the aisle, so she, quite diplomatically, asked her soon-to-be father-in-law to walk her down the aisle. You see, he lost his daughter a couple of years ago, and would not have this opportunity.  In a very touching move, he asked her if he might give her a kiss on the cheek as he left her to wed his son.  It was a beautiful day.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, I managed to nearly lose my soul mate (a subject best left for another time…). It’s been a busy two months…

Through all of this, though, one thing has remained constant.  Life goes on.  It doesn’t pause and it doesn’t retreat…it moves forward.

There are two lessons to be learned from all this.

One; we CAN live through our saddest times.  We can survive them.  It seems tough, at first…in fact, nearly devastating, but we can make it through, as long as we have the courage to take action and faith in ourselves…

Two; since life does go on, we can either move forward with it, or wallow in self pity and make living our lives that much more difficult. But why do that?  Life can be hard enough without us interfering and making it harder for ourselves.

It was never promised that life would be easy…just that we could get through it.  We have to be proactive and choose in which fashion we want our lives to go.  While we have to face our tragedies, if we hold on to the glorious days, hours, even minutes, we will find it easier to stay positive and survive as life goes on.

Regrets…

Most of us live with regrets.  Sometimes they weigh on us like an anchor. We find ourselves dwelling on them, some of them constantly.  A few of our regrets can  be more devastating than others.  Maybe it was the way we treated another or a missed job opportunity.  It could have been a big cross country move.  Or, maybe it was the chance to tell someone just how much we love them…for the first time, or, even more regrettably, the last.  Yes…regrets come all too often, and they can be extremely hard on our body, heart and soul.

But…what if we could, from this day forward, live our lives so we have no more regrets at all?  Could we be strong enough do what it takes?

One thing we could do is think before we speak.  Yes, I know, it’s harder than it seems.  We find ourselves in the heat of the moment and before we know it, we have said something we regret.  Part of a more complex saying comes to mind; something you can never get back once it’s uttered are your words.  And, remembering that words can be as painful as actual, physical pain, this should be a no-brainer.

Another thing we could do is to not act so rashly.  Give our words and actions a little thought.  Consider that what we do doesn’t just affect us.  It affects those around us.

Still, on the other side of that, we should stop over-thinking things.  We all tend to do it, and by the time we’ve thought it out, our opportunity has passed us by.

One more thing we can do is be fully present in the moment, so that when something comes up, we’re more prepared.  We can make a good decision about it because we are aware.

Still there is a better answer.  Something so basic, it should be second nature to all of us.  Act with love, concern, kindness and compassion every moment of every day.  If we can do that, we should never have to harbor another regret as long as we live.

 

First Step

Lately, I find myself thinking about Lao Tzu’s timely saying, “The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” That’s actually very good advice. We can’t get anywhere if we aren’t willing to take the first step.

Many people settle for the status quo because they may be frightened to take that first step for fear of the new and unknown. The “unknown” can be unnerving, even petrifying. The “new” can be terrifying, as well. After all, there is something comforting about knowing what to expect. But, does the comfort hold any excitement? Maybe we are too settled to desire any excitement!

Too, though, if we stay in our comfort zone, we are just walking in circles, going nowhere. Again, many are satisfied with that. But, for those who seek something new, taking that first step away from our comfort zone is crucial. Will it be easy? That reminds me of something else…something worth it is seldom easy.

Here’s something else to think about…If we opt for easy, we may never get anywhere new. We may never have new adventures, new loves, new experiences. So…step out there…make your move…there are numerous adventures just for you…You’ve just got to take that first step!

The Change We Wish To See

All over, for months, years even, people are posting and talking about war with the next nasty enemy of the US.  No one seems to grasp what is missing.  To those supporting the next war, there are a few things for you to consider.

On a political note:
Most “wars” in the US have been manipulated and/or manufactured. Yes, you heard that correctly.  One of documentaries which I researched and wrote deals with media and government manipulation, and ultimately influence, of the population, AND government manipulation of the media.  This country was founded as a non-interventionist country.  George Washington said we should be friends with all and take no sides because, if we did, in the end, it would cost us dearly.  It has.  Especially if you believe the official account of 9/11.  Recently, and over the past few years, Ron Paul has correctly stated that the world views the US as an aggressor.  I say flat out that our country has become the proverbial bully on the playground.  Collateral damage is huge and devastating.  The images of death and destruction are everywhere, except maybe in the mainstream media here in the US.  It’s an abomination for a supposedly “Christian” nation to act with such reckless abandon towards another country.  Our founding generation is rolling over in their graves!!!

On a spiritual note:
Our Divine Parent(s) created all life…Again, as a Christian nation, why is it that we do not heed the words in the very book from which we claim to get our Divine Instruction?  What happened to “Revenge is mine” says God? What happened to “Love thy neighbor,” says Jesus?  What happened to turning the other cheek, giving someone in need a hand, walking with our brothers and sisters in their times of trouble and loving our enemies? Maybe we have forgotten what Jesus taught?  One of the most blasphemous things I think I have ever heard was when President Bush said God told him to initiate the war on terror.  If we are to believe that God created all and God said vengeance is mine, why would we ever think that if God wanted someone vanquished, God couldn’t take care of that?

There are a few thing we could learn, true life lessons: to love one another…unconditionally.  To support each other’s goals…without restraint.  To be the better person…a shining example of Our Divine and loving Creator in a dark and dreary world.  To be better than those who went before us.  If we could only stop thinking with fear and hate in our hearts, open up that same heart and love, truly love, those waiting on the outside, can you imagine what we could accomplish?

Compassionate Understanding

Sometimes the enormity of this world and our life’s journey can be lost on us.  Many times I pass people on the street, at the store, in a parking lot, or where ever I may be and often wonder what they are thinking.  Some of these people have smiles on their faces, some have scowls, and some are expressionless.  And, even so, it is still hard to know what they could be thinking.  Did they have a good day?  A great day?  A terrible day?  The worst?  Are they feeling love, joy, happy, sad, desperate, desolate or hopeless?  AND, how did I react to them, if we crossed paths?

When dealing with these people, we sometimes get frustrated because they are nasty to us.  But do we ever stop to think that they may be going through something pretty darned heavy?  When we were younger, we didn’t even think about their world…just ours.  We’d get angry that someone treated us disrespectfully, and we took it personally.  We tend to stay stuck in our own little world and forget there is a vastness FAR beyond our space and our journey.  When we get a little older, and have gone through a bit more of our own “stuff,” we still tend to be a bit frustrated, but we are less likely to take it personally.  And, we are starting to realize just how big the world is and how many people there are going through their own “stuff.”  We find we can identify with them a little bit.

A friend of mine lost her twenty-something daughter yesterday to tragic circumstances.  She is feeling despair, pain and anguish.  After I heard the news, I moved through my day and realized everyone I encountered had something going on in his or her life, good or bad.  It dawned on me yesterday that you have no idea about the circumstances of the people you pass on your journey.  How many of these people have an ill loved one?  Just lost a loved one?  Are out of money, about to get kicked out of their homes, or are just lost, and looking for answers?  Better still, how many of these people realize they are not alone?  How many of these people understand there are others going through something similar?  And even more eye opening, how many of these people realize they don’t have to go through it alone?

I implore you not to judge people by how they act toward you.  Yes, I do know how hard that is to do…but, offer them a smile anyway…tell them to have a good day, anyway.  You never know what a simple smile and a few positive words can do.  And, above all, just say a little pray for them…offer up some of your good energy…they don’t even have to know about it.  In fact, doesn’t the Bible tell us not to judge and not to make a spectacle of what we do?  How hard is it to just give someone a friendly smile and say some encouraging words in private for someone who may be suffering?  In that instant, what better do you have to do, anyway?  We are all linked and the positive thing you do for someone else will revisit you.  In being encouraging to someone else, you are, in fact, encouraging yourself!  Think about it!

New Years Introspection

I have often wondered why so many people love the ritual of making a New Years Resolution when they seldom, if ever, keep them.  Don’t worry, as I could never keep them, either, and stopped making them a long time ago.  This year, however, the idea of doing a sort of introspection instead of resolution popped into my mind.  Simply put, find out what does and doesn’t suit me, what I like or don’t, what I need to “make over” and what I don’t, and maybe this will help me make some changes.

Taking an inventory of what you do and don’t care for takes all sorts of honesty.  Why?  Because, in all honesty, we have become so settled in our way of thinking, we don’t pay attention to how we truly feel!   We are so comfortable with “the way things are,” we’d rather just continue down this path of fake tranquility, hoping that, at some point or the “right time,” things will change.

The truth of the matter is that we need to be proactive in our own lives.  If something doesn’t suit us, we need to do it differently.  If we don’t like something, we need to put the effort forth to change it.  If something needs to be made new, we need to be willing to make it over.  And yet, we aren’t…oh, and don’t worry, I am talking as much to myself as I am to anyone reading this.

There is much to like about “comfort” and much to fear about the unknown.   At least with comfort, we know what we are getting…even if it doesn’t make us happy.   With the unknown, we have no clue what might happen.  Could be good, or it could turn out bad…but if the comfortable is already unsatisfying, why wouldn’t we venture out into the unknown?  That new territory could hold such potential!  It could bring us everything we have ever desired…and maybe more…but only if we are willing to cross into the unfamiliar.

So, this year, instead of making a list of resolutions that have little chance of getting crossed off that list, why not do some personal exploration?  Observe what is going on within your own life and make an accounting of things that make you happy and things that don’t.  And, don’t rush the process…take your time.  Truthfully evaluate each thing you find.  Can you do something about it?  Can you change it?   Maybe there are other questions to consider…If we could really approach things candidly, what would we find out about what makes us happy and what doesn’t?  If we took the time to learn, would we possess the courage to pursue our happiness?  If the going got hard, would we be willing to stick it out?  If that proved to be intolerable, as well, would we be willing to make another venture forth into the unknown?  After all, that really IS all what matters.  Our own willingness to change our own lives…our willingness to go after what makes us truly happy…think about it!

Love…

It is during this time of year…the time when we are all supposed to be in the place of giving…that I realize how much power each of us hold.  There is something that you can give that is the most important thing ever.  You are so much more powerful than you know and that power is in the form of love.  People need to know they are loved and those close to you need to know you love them.  People need to remember that Our Creator loves them.  Sometimes we get caught up in our everyday lives and we forget that the most important thing we can do is know we are loved and show our love for ourselves and others.

Just remember, love is NOT blind acceptance!  TRUE love is unconditional.  Love is Not boastful or proud or jealous…but love IS caring, respect, supportive, kindness, and patience and all of that we can freely give to everyone who needs it!  Be mindful of those around you today and everyday.  Be mindful of the choices you make for yourself and others every day.  While it is usually relatively easy to love others, it seems like we don’t really know how anymore…and we certainly tend to be less than respectful to ourselves!  Respect yourself and loving yourself will follow…and the love for human kind will also follow.

Today, I am reminded of one of my father’s most favorite Bible passages.  My dad taught us in Sunday School when I was a child, and we heard this lesson often!  Whenever he was chosen to pick the bible verses for the congregation, more often than not, he chose this passage, as well.  I Corinthians 13.  While many of you know I do not embrace organized religion and find inspiration in many spiritual paths, I do find gems of basic truths in the Bible.  I Corinthians 13 tells us that THE most important thing is Love…NOTHING, not faith nor knowledge, not gifts of prophesy, NOTHING is more important than love.  That is a powerful statement of revelation and we need to not gloss over it, but embrace it.

While moving through your life’s journey today, and everyday, know that you are loved…Our Creator loves you, and we love you…Love is truly all that matters!