As Life Goes

There have been several life-changing events over the passed few months.  Maybe I should start with the bad news first…my estranged husband passed away two months ago.  While we were still married, we had lived mostly separate lives for several years.  He became very ill in 2010, and basically lost his business in 2012, so he moved into the basement apartment in the house I rent with our younger daughter.  As his illness progressed, I tried to help him.  He was, after all, the father of my children…children whom I love more than life, itself.  But, he has now passed away.  It’s a weird feeling to lose someone with whom you were so close, and yet estranged, at the same time.  Strange emotions come into play.

Much more recently, and quite a bit more joyous, our older daughter married her best friend.  It was a simple, yet elegant, wedding. The only real tragedy here being that her father wasn’t there to give her away.   Before her father died, my daughter realized he was so ill he may not be able to walk her down the aisle, so she, quite diplomatically, asked her soon-to-be father-in-law to walk her down the aisle. You see, he lost his daughter a couple of years ago, and would not have this opportunity.  In a very touching move, he asked her if he might give her a kiss on the cheek as he left her to wed his son.  It was a beautiful day.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, I managed to nearly lose my soul mate (a subject best left for another time…). It’s been a busy two months…

Through all of this, though, one thing has remained constant.  Life goes on.  It doesn’t pause and it doesn’t retreat…it moves forward.

There are two lessons to be learned from all this.

One; we CAN live through our saddest times.  We can survive them.  It seems tough, at first…in fact, nearly devastating, but we can make it through, as long as we have the courage to take action and faith in ourselves…

Two; since life does go on, we can either move forward with it, or wallow in self pity and make living our lives that much more difficult. But why do that?  Life can be hard enough without us interfering and making it harder for ourselves.

It was never promised that life would be easy…just that we could get through it.  We have to be proactive and choose in which fashion we want our lives to go.  While we have to face our tragedies, if we hold on to the glorious days, hours, even minutes, we will find it easier to stay positive and survive as life goes on.

Regrets…

Most of us live with regrets.  Sometimes they weigh on us like an anchor. We find ourselves dwelling on them, some of them constantly.  A few of our regrets can  be more devastating than others.  Maybe it was the way we treated another or a missed job opportunity.  It could have been a big cross country move.  Or, maybe it was the chance to tell someone just how much we love them…for the first time, or, even more regrettably, the last.  Yes…regrets come all too often, and they can be extremely hard on our body, heart and soul.

But…what if we could, from this day forward, live our lives so we have no more regrets at all?  Could we be strong enough do what it takes?

One thing we could do is think before we speak.  Yes, I know, it’s harder than it seems.  We find ourselves in the heat of the moment and before we know it, we have said something we regret.  Part of a more complex saying comes to mind; something you can never get back once it’s uttered are your words.  And, remembering that words can be as painful as actual, physical pain, this should be a no-brainer.

Another thing we could do is to not act so rashly.  Give our words and actions a little thought.  Consider that what we do doesn’t just affect us.  It affects those around us.

Still, on the other side of that, we should stop over-thinking things.  We all tend to do it, and by the time we’ve thought it out, our opportunity has passed us by.

One more thing we can do is be fully present in the moment, so that when something comes up, we’re more prepared.  We can make a good decision about it because we are aware.

Still there is a better answer.  Something so basic, it should be second nature to all of us.  Act with love, concern, kindness and compassion every moment of every day.  If we can do that, we should never have to harbor another regret as long as we live.

 

First Step

Lately, I find myself thinking about Lao Tzu’s timely saying, “The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” That’s actually very good advice. We can’t get anywhere if we aren’t willing to take the first step.

Many people settle for the status quo because they may be frightened to take that first step for fear of the new and unknown. The “unknown” can be unnerving, even petrifying. The “new” can be terrifying, as well. After all, there is something comforting about knowing what to expect. But, does the comfort hold any excitement? Maybe we are too settled to desire any excitement!

Too, though, if we stay in our comfort zone, we are just walking in circles, going nowhere. Again, many are satisfied with that. But, for those who seek something new, taking that first step away from our comfort zone is crucial. Will it be easy? That reminds me of something else…something worth it is seldom easy.

Here’s something else to think about…If we opt for easy, we may never get anywhere new. We may never have new adventures, new loves, new experiences. So…step out there…make your move…there are numerous adventures just for you…You’ve just got to take that first step!